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Let's Talk Therapy

I Hear What You Say


                      Did this happen to you OR someone you know.

If your spouse stated any of the things above, welcome to the club. I have had seven (7) new clients ALL male in their middle to late 43 and above start therapy totally in shock. It's not what use to be the usual, playing around by the husband, it's the wife leaving. 

I've been fortunate to have met several of the wives come to one of the therapy sessions and in all the sessions I have found the wife is totally through with the marriage. They have been unwilling to a even consider trying to resolve any of the issues. In fact they have often not articulated any issue that might have contributed to the relationship being over. When asked why they came to the therapy sessions it was not unusual to hear the wife say because he asked me to come. When asked did they want to work on the marriage they would say they were done with trying. So far each of the husbands have continued with their own personal therapy and have been able to go on with their lives without becoming bitter, angry or hopeless.

It's been a long difficult road for them to get to that stage but once they do they start to realize their role in the relationship and many ways they or did not contributed to the break-up of their marriage. 

In other cases they often develop anxiety, depression and low self-esteem has been damaged because they were blindsided and had no idea their wife has had these thoughts or that their marriage was in any kind of damage. The shock of the separation/divorce and the fact that his spouse blamed him 100% for the marriage breaking up is often devastating to the faithful husband.

After the separation some husband have had difficulty moving on with his life because in his mind he is still a married man although his wife moved on and her behavior is that of a single person, he still considers himself marriage and will until he is divorced. As such he believes he can not play the role of a single person because he is not single.

Often times the wife wants to be friends, wants to go to meet sometimes like buddies and does not seem to understand he is hurt and he does not understand why they are no longer together especially why she wants to through away all the years of the marriage without trying to fix things. Some wives even apologize for breaking up the marriage. They often state it is their fault and expect things to go on as usual with no rush for a divorce or legal separation. Often the husband is stuck without the actual divorce.